An involuntary career event is a termination viewed from sufficient altitude that the human at the centre of it becomes a data point in a workforce model. The word “involuntary” is doing the most honest work in the phrase. The rest is architecture. “Career” reframes the employment relationship as a journey, continuous and self-directed, of which this moment is merely a turn. “Event” makes it an occurrence rather than a decision, something that happened in the vicinity of the person rather than to them, and certainly not because of anyone in the room.

Rightsizing is the same transaction described from the organisation’s perspective rather than the employee’s, which is the perspective that matters for the press release. The company was the wrong size. It is now the right size. The verb implies correction, which implies a prior error, which implies that the people being rightsized were, in some technical sense, the error. Nobody says this. The word says it without anyone having to. What makes rightsizing strong is the implicit promise embedded in the prefix: right. Not smaller. Not cheaper. Right. The organisation has achieved a condition. The condition required adjustment. The adjustment is complete.

Both phrases share a common architecture: the agent disappears. Nobody rightsizes anyone. Nobody issues an involuntary career event. It just occurs. The sizing happens. The passive construction is the point here. A layoff has a decision-maker. An involuntary career event has, at most, market conditions, a strategic pivot, and a difficult but necessary realignment of resources to better serve our long-term growth objectives.

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Maximilian ROI has spent thirty years inside organizations large enough to have a Vision Statement and self-aware enough to ignore it. He has run the offsites. He has said synergy in front of a board, with a straight face and a waterfall chart, and meant it.

Today, Max is the Dean of Steerania’s School of Bullshit. He describes this as his pro bono contribution to society. He takes the role completely seriously, which is itself the joke.

The dictionary exists because the language of business is a craft, and like most crafts it is easier to participate in than to explain. Max has decided, at this point in his career, that explanation is the more interesting option. He is not here to expose the system. He helped build it.